Labrador Retrievers are known for their hunting skills and friendly dispositions, but Beau, a black Lab who lives in Montana, is winning acclaim for his math abilities.
as if declaring dolphins as “non-human persons” last year wasn’t absurd enough.
now we have a dog who’s good at math?
NO. YOUR DOG IS NOT GOOD AT MATH.
HE’S GOOD AT BARKING, you asshole.
Owner David Madsen says if he tells Beau there are six dogs at the park and three dogs leave, and then asks him how many are left, the dog replies: “Woof, woof, woof.”
OH.
i’m SURE he understood completely. the dog was all, “OH. SIX DOGS. that’s like, me and 5 dog friends. in a PARK. k.. alright now let’s see, if there are 6 of us total and THREE of my friends leave, well then the answer here is obvious: WOOF WOOF WOOF!”
seriously, go fuck yourself david madsen.
screw that. i’m going to buy a dog and teach it geography.
“How many continents are there?”
“Woof”
“no no, how many continents TOTAL.”
“Woof Woof.”
“GOD DAMN YOU DOG.”
“WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF”
“see, TOLD you he knew there were 7 continents.”
my dog would also ALWAYS get these question right:
“what are trees made out of?”
“BARK!”
“what do lame hood rat teens say when they think they’re doing something cool they’re gonna RAISE THE —-“
“WROOF”
anyway.
“He counts, he adds and subtracts, he can do some division and has memorized square roots,” Madsen said.
he has memorized square roots. memorized.
YOU THINK YOUR DOG CAN MEMORIZE SQUARE ROOTS.
WELL I THINK YOU DO CRYSTAL METH, YOU DUMB FUCK.
“Dave will say, ‘What’s two and three?’ Then the dog will go, ‘Bark, bark … bark, bark, bark,’”
I HATE AMERICA. AND I HATE FUCKING IDIOTS. DID THIS SERIOUSLY MAKE THE NEWS? AND AM I SERIOUSLY THIS UPSET ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW? THE ANSWER IS FUCKING: YES. UNFORTUNATELY. I APPARENTLY GET DISTRAUGHT OVER THE FACT THAT DOGS CAN MEMORIZE SQUARE ROOTS. THEY’RE CALLED T9 CALCULATORS FOR A REASON, DOG. NOT K9.
“I’ve had dogs all my life, but this dog is different. He’s super smart,” Madsen said.
let’s get this dog a fucking collar with an attached cape because he’s a super dog. i’m sure if he does enough math equations in his dog brain he’ll figure out how to make himself fly. can’t wait.
clearly i’m not the only one who thinks this is ridiculous:
The dog had a chance at nationwide fame when he auditioned in Savannah, Georgia for the “Stupid Pet Tricks” segment on the CBS’ “Late Show with David Letterman.”
ironic that the dog knows how to solve all these math problems but can’t figure out what the word “Stupid” means. even more ironic that the owner, David Dipshit, can’t figure that one out either.
it’s like, DO THE MATH, DUDE.
CLEARLY NOTHING ABOUT YOU OR YOUR DOG IS SMART.
anyway.
fuck america.
WOOF.
