1. kill arnold schwarzenegger
2. win nobel peace prize
3. turn my hands into ice cream cones at least once
4. give obama a boner
5. eat more candy
6. say the word ‘fuck’ more often
7. discover a new planet
8. become mexican
9. become an indian chief
10. become an eskimo
11. become asian
12. get some swag
13. die
14. train a dolphin to butt fuck a whale
15. become a superhero where my power is to literally undress people with my eyes
16. figure out how many pieces of bacon a pig can make
17. live in an igloo for 72 hours
18. be more socially awkward
19. introduce a new language to animals
20. resurrect from #13
21. spread the word that christopher columbus was a FUCKING MURDERER
22. say i love you to a squirrel at least 7 times a month
23. continue to dislike olives and asians
24. burn down the statue of liberty
25. admit to asians that i’m just jealous of asians
26. eat more pommes frites
27. capture BABAR AND BRING HIM BACK TO AMERICA WHERE HE BELONGS
28. ride a camel while smoking a camel, on a wednesday
29. ELIMINATE MONDAY FOREVER
30. comb a pony’s hair
31. make more kids cry
okay. that’s a good start. one full month of resolutions. one per day. in no specific order. thank god. winning a nobel peace prize by january 2nd is a little unrealistic.
(via kristinnoeline)
