| me at every social situation: | I don't know what to do |
insomnia.
i do not sleep. ever.
which should be enough explanation.
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burritos.
i do not sleep. ever.
which should be enough explanation.
• archive
• reverend
• sombrero
burritos.
Sorry, Mario, but the Princess is in another aquarium.
OH GOD STOP IT EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS.
i’m 26. i should probably calm the fuck down. but here we are.
anyway. gonna need this installed in my apartment immediately.
(via thomastowell)
Soooooooo, are you ready? Here we go:
Cast of Characters: Alyson, Alyson’s roommate Erin, Alyson’s friend Jake, The Landlord, The Police
Scene One: Alyson, Erin and Jake are out at the Albany bars to celebrate both Memorial Day and the two year anniversary of Alyson’s arrest. Alyson drinks too much and tells the others that she needs to go home. Jake says, “I live close, why don’t you just go back there and crash on the couch.” Seems like a great idea, and Alyson leaves and does just that. Everything is right with the world.
Scene Two: Erin realizes that she has forgotten her house keys, and calls sleeping Alyson. Alyson says, “I am too tired to deal with this, just come to Jake’s and we will go home together in the morning.” This is all that remains in anyone’s memory of that conversation.
Scene Three: Erin goes home anyway, and finds that someone has conveniently left a hammer outside of her bedroom window. She, OBVIOUSLY, uses said hammer to shatter the glass, and then climbs through the window onto her bed where she falls asleep.
Scene Four: Alyson wakes up to a phone call from Erin. The only words spoken are, “Alyson, get home NOW.”
Scene Five: Alyson gets home to find out that the landlord, upon seeing the broken window, called the police to report a break-in. When the cops arrived to take the report, Erin lied and said she had just gotten home to find the broken glass, and corroborated the break-in story. It should be noted that Erin was also covered head to toe in cuts from broken glass when she gave this statement. The cops left and said they would be returning to take a full report from both Alyson and Erin.
Scene Six: Alyson and Erin flee the scene (where they call me in a panic from the car) and are contacted numerous times by the police and their landlord to return for the interview. Terrified, and not heeding THE ADVICE OF THEIR OLDER SISTER, they decide to stick with their story of lies. When they enter their apartment, the cops immediately place them in separate rooms.
Scene Seven - Alyson’s Room: The cop asks Alyson where she spent the night. She explains that she stayed at a friend’s house. The cop asks Alyson to see the flip-flop she is wearing. He then takes Alyson and her flip-flop to the windowsill of Erin’s bedroom, and shows her that the imprint of THE SAME SHOE is on the windowsill. It should be noted that Erin and Alyson wear the same exact shoes. Alyson turns to the cop and says, “I think Erin did it.”
Scene Eight: Alyson enters the room where Erin is busy lying her face off and says, “Erin, I REALLY THINK YOU DID IT.” Erin protests, but after the cops say that they will test the trail of blood leading from her bedroom to the bathroom, she finally gives in and admits the truth. The cops leave, annoyed at having four hours of their morning wasted, and Alyson and Erin get dressed to go to a country music festival at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center.
Epilogue: Erin loses her car keys at the country music festival and Alyson pulls the fire alarm in the boys bathroom. The landlord explains he will not be renewing their lease, and also begs them to take down the Christmas decorations that are still hanging in their front window.
most of my memorial day memories are filled with terrible decisions and policemen. i don’t plan on stopping this tradition anytime soon.
i just got home and this isn’t on my wall and that’s a problem. that’s a huge problem. anyway. i’m pretty sure this is the meaning of life. don’t know what else would be. this is it, you guys. this is it.
(via thufri)
this is the best looking grilled cheese i’ve ever seen.
(Source: forever-to-be-old, via thomastowell)
Airports which contain dinosaurs are the only airports I choose to acknowledge.
this is so fucking cool. i hope the airports i’m in tomorrow have dinosaurs. ones that are alive though. to one up jenny.
